Category: the Rant Board
Hi everyone,
I'd just figure I'd post here because I know everyone reads the stuff here, so here we go.
Lately, people have been ignoring me for apparently no reason. All I do is try to help other people, and I'm just trying to get a friend, and they have to act this way? Possibilly ruining my friendship with another person?
Sorry, but I don't think that's right. I do everything I can for people, and these people who don't even know me, and go judging from what they saw for five minutes. This is what leads me in to what I'll post here.
Everything stated in my profile is true. I don't lie. However, there is allways something behind the story, and here it is.
Ryan Conroy
Hi, I've attended this school for 6-7 years now, and it's been far from the best thing in my life. When I first came, I was placed in Lower School for some
strange reason that I still don't know of to this day. When I got to Secondary, things started happening. I gained confidence in myself from sports such
as, wrestling, and Goal Ball, and Track. I was a star, a leader, or "the best." On all those teams, I was unstoppable, but that would soon change. The
only thing I really liked about Perkins to this day is sports. It kept me from dropping out amazingly enough? *smile* Anyways, I got hurt in Wrestling,
and told the nurse who now mind you is nurse manager, and her name is Debbie. I told her something was wrong. She thought it was a pulled muscle, but I
knew it wasn't. Being a athlete for so many years, I know what a pulled muscle is. They don't think of it that way of course. I kept going back and back,
but just to get told the same thing. Finally, after four months, Febuary break was here, and my mom, who is now dead, rushed me the emergency room. It
was discovered that I had a tumor on my right knee. Perkins knew that I was supposed to be under close watch, for I have already had cancer once wich is
the cause of my loss of vision. They didn't pay attention: however, and look where I wound up? Fighting Cancer for a second time. I want to sue perkins
so badly because I believe I deserve something for what they did to my life. Sports were really my dream, and they were going to take me out in to the
world. That dream was shattered when I had to learn how to walk again, and many other things that just make me disgusted because everything I had to go
threw rehab for was and still is Perkins fault. I still Wrestle because I love it so much, and I am really putting myself at risk by doing it, but I don't
care. The same goes for Goal Ball. I may not be the player I was, but I'm still here to enjoy it. This is only one of the many issues I've had with Perkins,
but I've written enough for now I think. (smile) I will definitely post again. For anyone who wants to get to know me, I will leave some contact information:
Email, goldberg454 AT lycos.com Chat programs: MSN, same as Email, AIM, conroy1284, and Skype, goldberg454 Feel free to call me, or add me to your contacts.
I love talking to people and helping them. Because of all of the shit I've been threw in and outside of Perkins, I've developed a strong interest in helping
others. Hope to hear from some of you, Ryan C.
OK, wrestling tournament weekend, can't go. Why? At the last minute I spraigned my ankle. This has nothing to do with Perkins, but if you think about it
deeply, it does. All the way back if I didn't have to where the stupid brace I do when I wrestle, and stuff like that. Again, Perkins fault for my knee.
I'm beginning to think of myself as a some what fallen champion. Once was the best, and now am transfered to the worst. This is my oppinion of corse, and
a lot of people tell me it is not true. It might not be, but It's Perkins who made me think this way.
State emergencies? Can you say bullshit? We had a state emergency a few weeks ago, and we were the only school who had to go. All the other schools were
closed for safety reasons, and Perkins is supposedly so concerned about our safety? Yeah right. More then half of the students, and more then half of the
teachers were out, but no, they just couldn't call it a day off. Because that would ruin there schedule. I hate this place, and I am getting so sick of
it. Ryan
Did you know that Perkins actually has spies that will catch you doing things? Sometimes, this place gets so bad, that it forces me to go back to my old
ways, and want to drink, or take some kind of pill or something. If I was to go out and do that, this is leagal by the way, I have to sit with the fear
of Perkins watching me. Again, a step back from the "real world," that Perkins tries so hard to teach us about. In the real world, no one to stop you from
buying something to just make you happy, or anything like that. This shit is rediculous. Ryan
U know I don't know what your talkin about but, I'll chit chat with u any time u would like to. Jason.
smiles, the fact is that this is a community of widely diverse individuals. some you might get to know and form friendships with, some you might form friendships with and fall out with, and some you just might never get on with at all, not necessarily because you don't like them or they don't like you, but because maybe you just don't have anything in common with them. Some people will always appreciate someone wanting to be there for them, to help them in any way possible, but some people just don't appreciate that from someone they don't know, it possibly is not personal, but even if it is, you should concentrate on the friendships you have made and retained, rather than seeking the answers to the ones you have lost, good luck, smiles
I just want to let you know that I think Perkins sucks and I'm so proud of you for being able to share this horrible experience!!! Not a lot of people like to tell these things that happen to them and you are awesome for doing so!!! I just want you to know that if ever you wanna talk, I'm hear to listen!!! You've got my number!!! hahahahah Oh and you've got my e-mail adress too but somehow it's acting weird. hahahah Ryan I still haven't received your e-mail yet. Well, keep doing your thing and you know, I'm still here for you!!!
*sexy*
I'll talk to you pal and it takes a lot of nerve to post something like that, on here bravo!...
I don't know about Perkins, but if what you re saying is correct, then it's up to the students there to stop it. It's the same at some residential places here. They restrict you. I know of one place which doesn't allow it's adult students to leave it's premises without a staff-member. In all these places though, the students have to take matters into their own hands. They need to congrigate outside the principals office, and all refuse to attend any more lectures. The protests if big enough will gather momentum, and grow larger. The principal will then have two choices. Either they can kick out all the protesters or ringleaders, or they can change things. It is important though that everyone is in agreement on what rules should be changed and that there's a peson who is able to nigotiate the point of view of the students. If I ever ended up at one of these places that is wht I would do. Here at this residential college, I didn't obey the rules about been in at certain times and regularly disobeyed visiting restrictions as well. I didn't do anybody any harm by doing this, and noone else does. Rules on such issues shouldn't exist. You shouldn't be restricted any more than most people in the outside world would be. I know of 16 year-old blind people who are still at mainstream school who have far more freedom than those who are 19 in residential. That to me is unjustifiable, but you don't get anywhere by talking. Actions grab peoples attention, and are more affective. I'm also sorry to hear about the health problems you've suffered, I wish you look in adapting to living the way you'll have to. It's tradgic that so much was taken from you, but a strong person is one who makes the most of their resources both internal and external. I hope you will do this, and hope you'll make the most of your future.
Oh, I've made the most out of my future.
Sports was taken from me, and that was my life. So, I turned to Psychology; that's why I keep on saying I love helping people.
I continuously help people, and they spit in my face. There are some people on here who say they are going for Psychology majors, and it's a fucken joke. With some of the attitudes we have on here, people should think about helping themselves before sitting in an office chair, and helping someone with real issues. It's just that way, and I chose this path. Who ever needs help; I allways jump to there aid, but when help is over, it's forget about Ryan, he's a boring piece of shit.
Yup, that's me.
Thanks for your input. I don't think you got completely everything I was talking about, but that's OK.
Take care,
Ryan/Goldberg
Hi Ryan, The way it seems so oft I suppose, what with what most is enjoyed being removed out of our lives or at least for lengthy spans of time. For me for many years photography was my passion and then coupling the photos with written passages and so forth. Five years ago I had a bout with Bells Palsy with half my face affected, a long story so I won’t go into it except to say my photography was put on hold given that my vision had been affected to the extent that it had and only more so recently have I once again picked up a camera. …………….when it comes to the statement you just made, “There are some people on here who say they are going for Psychology majors, and it's a fucken joke. With some of the attitudes we have on here, people should think about helping themselves before sitting in an office chair, and helping someone with real issues.” Man! Ryan I could not agree with you more! Absolutely correct. There is one on these Boards and I won’t mention the name but to hear her talk she is on the road to being the greatest shrink ever…. And Yes you just said my thots exactly……. *smile* I will be watching for your Posts. I like it that into self-pity you are not rather ever seeking the high road and when it seems a “dead end” you’ve arrived at on your journey, well, you have just gone on and you’ve carved your own path. Connie
Hey Ryan ,
Kat here, I read your post and damn you've been through a lot. I've been through a lot too. Yes I'm just like you in the sense that i love to help people, all my friends come to me for help with all kinds of things and they come back everytime, so I guess my help / advice does the trick. Well if you ever need help or just someone to talk to feel free to e mail/ message or on MSN or AIM. There is skype too, but i think that certain issues dont' need to be talked out loud for other people to hear. Well I got to go.
Thanks again,
Kat
Hey Goldberg, it is great that you can share this horrible experience and I am really sorry to hear that. I honestly wish you the best for your future.
ryan, you know if you ever need to talk, i'm here. *smiles* i love you like a brother, and am thankful to have you in my life. keep that head up, and dont stop shining!
Yay! Another psychology major ... that's awesome 'cause I wanna do that too.
omg Ryan... that is sooo how i feel, and blind schools suck seeing that I go to one, and they blocked this sight, cause I um said bad stuff about them lol, but, I aggree with you.
Hiya Goldberg, You are one of the nicest people I've met on here. You're always there to talk to, you're nice and funny. So if you ever think i'm ignoring you, think again cuz I'd never do that. You're awesome. ROck on man! Cheers,Caitlin
Well I'm not trying to start any problems but knowing Ryan personally what he says is true. He'll never lye and tell you how something is streight foreword. I've watched him get used and abused buy myself as well as others. He's ben threw so much more then he's listed but I won't say anything cause it's not my place to. It's knowing someone personally I guess that you know more about them is all. He'd do for anyone and never take from anyone. He means well and has good intensions. I give him credit cause if it wasn't for him I'd probably be dead today for trying to be someone I'm not. He made me realize so many things that I look at him as my god and would do anything even kill for him. I'd do it to show my appresheasion for the things he's done for me. I wanted to post hear to show my thanks and to try and show others he's not a bad person and means the best with what he says and tries to do for others. For everyone fuck the ones who don't care either way and save the good addvice for the ones who do really care and would use it.
Hey there. gold I have some stuff I don't like about Perkins mysalf. Like when a house parent I hate in Olive. I think you can gess who that was. But I don't want to leave it. I know that makes no sence.
hey ryan homey. It's Austin here. You know i'm also am here as well dude. I like ot listen to people and help them. I know how residential schools are as well. I give you props for enjoying wresteling no matter what. Keep your head up homey!
Austin.
Hey Ryian I know that I haven't talked to you much but I show love for your self confidence, because I can understand where you are coming from. I use to be in some School won't state the name, but they kicked me out for speaking my mind and now I am free as a bird and I wish that you were to. Any time you want to get at yo boy greg, you skipe MSN or Yahoo, they are in my profile.
Nice job Ryan,. Perkins blows. I'm at that school cuz I have to be. btw it's Cory. You need to grin and bare it and come down so we can chill! Again, nice job!
Hey ryan. From what u said, the school sucks. I've never gone to it, but if u ever wanna talk, drop me an IM or call on skype. Also, I'm a wrestler...kinda newbie. Keep takin 'em down!
Hi. I don't go to Perkins, I go to Overbrook, but it's just as bad. You might know something about it since we have sports tournaments with you guys sometimes. If you want, you can talk to me, I can definitely tell you some horror stories of my own. It's good to see people who aren't bending over backwards for the system like everybody else I know. Keep on rebelling, and don't let those assholes get you down, I know it's easier said than done when they're especially stupid, but thank God I only have 1 more year of school to go, and htne I'll be living in the real world, and they won't ahve anything to say to me.
I never went to a blind school but it sounds rough. Oh and, ryan, people spit in my face as well and I tell them, "fuck off."
Not always literally but, you get the picture.
I don't know about perkins, but I've seen schools that are like a prison...
It's a damn shame... I congratulate you for recognizing that the place is horrible... I could name of a few schools I've been too have been horrible, but I won't name names... not now yet...
lol
But congradulations for speaking out!
Ryan:
You've been through alot sweetie, and I totally understand if you feel the way you feel about people and about yourself but one thing I'm gonna say is something that you as a psychology major should know. You need to believe in yourself, don't be so hard on yourself. I know that's way fucking easier said than done, I have that problem everyday, trust me, but believing in yourself and having that sense of self-confidence is one way to keep you from going over that dreaded edge. I am really sorry things happened to you and forced you to have to change things about your life, but I'm so proud of you because you still do what you enjoy doing, no matter what anyone tells you. Thank you for sharing your story, it's good to know I'm not the only one with so many problems.
Keep your head up hun.
Jessica
Turtle is that the Overbrook Educational Center in Philidelphia? If so I spent two years there during Elementary School while my dad was serving in the Navy. And while I totally agree that blind and otherwise handicapped folks should have the chance to experience and attend public school, Overbrook went about that in entirely the wrong way as far as I'm concerned. They'd put these kids in these classes with regular kids with the absolute minimum amount of adaptive tech and stuff that they could get away with, braillers, paper for them, braille books, and then just expect them to perform. And god forbid your GPA should fall below what they expect. They didn't offer much in the way of help when I was there. And god forbid you should have trouble with, say, a math problem because then like as not they'd rip you a new one.
I've heard horror stories about blind schools ingeneral, though I've never been to one, so I can't give any specifics, but good for you for speaking out.
I spent a lot of years at the Oregon School for the Blind in Salem, which is now closed incidentally. While they offered a lot of fun summer programs which I'll freely admit are the source of some of my fondest adolescent memories, the living conditions there left a lot to be desired. For one thing there was no climate control in the dorm, which incidentally was housed in a building that was more than a hundred years old, old enough to have what I believe is refered to as a radiant heat system, with those big radiators that always seem to make a lot of noise. The beds were twin beds and they were far from comfortable, and to top it off the food was crap. Even foods which are normally my favorite were less than substandard. And to be perfectly frank I think a lot of people abuse schools like that. I've heard horror stories about blind people who spent their entire formative and educational years in such schools, then when the time came to enter the mean old real world, they were actually worse off than they would have been had they had some exposure to public school. It's ironic that for all their talk about preparing you for the real world, blind schools actually have the potential to do far more harm than good. I'm not saying they can't do their share of good, but I'll freely agree with a lot of people that most of them don't
Exactly. What gets me about blind schools is that everything is accessable. Sure, you actually have to your own work, which is to be expected, but everything is provided in an accessible format, navigation is more or less accessible, and you're surrounded by other blind people. Now, while that's great while you're in that environment, I believe it provides a false sense of security, because when you get out into the real world, you won't have all these advantages.
I totally agree. It may be extreme but my folks and I almost feel they should close the blind schools for that very reason. I actually have a friend whose adoptive mother seemed to feel that the blind school was the only way to go. This girl was adopted from India when she was very small and her parents gave her an extremely sheltered life, so muc so that she believed she could change the way her countrymen thought about people with disabilities just by talking to them. But more to the point, she attended the Oregon School for the Blind her entire school life. But they only accept you until you're twenty-one. So then the time came for her to enter the real world, starting with college. Well first of all the college wouldn't recognize her OSB diploma as a regular school diploma despite what the school told us all. Then the stress level was just so overwhelming that she apparently attempted suicide several times and had to be placed in a group home. And it was all for the reasons you stated above. Everything was provided for her, everything accessible. FOr years my grandmother on my dad's side swore up and down that I should have been sent to a school for the blind instead of a public school and hearing about her I'm glad I wasn't.
Hi Bryan, I didn't go to Overbrook Educational Center, but I've heard stories about it. It's basically a ghetto now. I went to Overbrook School for the Blind, which I guess is connected in some way, but O E C is way behind educationally from what I've heard. When those kids graduated from 8th grade, a lot of them came to OSB, and didn't know basic skills like math and reading. Naturally, to accomodate this, the education for all of us was slowed down, and I feel academically I suffered for it. I attended public school until 10th grade, and then went to Overbrook for reasons I won't go into here. When I was in public school, yeah it was tough, because teachers didn't know how to deal with me, seeing as I was really the only blind student they'd ever had besides one kid who was a grade below me who autistic as well and was prone to violence, so they were scared of me I think because they thought I was the same as he was. But completing assignments, even after I had to fight to have them Brailled, gave me a sense of pride. It took me much longer to do things too because things were more often than not not explained to me, this really showed in my math skills because I had to use a calculator to cheat just to get by throughout my entire education. I just never learned a lot of basic math skills, and was made to feel ashamed if I asked for help, so it was rough. But when I went to Overbrook, the overall quality of my education went right down the crapper. In public school, I was guaranteed to have homework in almost all of my classes every day. In Overbrook, I was lucky if I had one assignment PER DAY, if not every other day. Of course, the people who went there all their lives celebrated this fact, but I felt like I was being treated like just because I was blind my intelligence was non-existent. As for the social aspect, and the experiences I had living in the dorm, that's a topic that could fill a whole book. I'm not sure I'll post it on this topic, but I may create my own. Either way, now that I'm out of there, I feel socially inept, academically short-changed and just overall I suffered an extreme loss of self-esteem and confidence that I didn't really have in public school to begin with because even there I was ostracized and bullied to no end.
Why does that not surprise me. Of course OEC seemed like a getto to me even when I was there. My siser and I were two of I think five white kids in the entire school. Not that there's a thing wrong with that in and of itself but we did find ourselves singled out fairly often. And it's thanks to my OEC days that for years I couldn't even hear the word Math without cringing.
I guess even institutions that are set up for the blind have a poor attitude towards the blind.
I've noticed that. And god forbid you need help with an assignment. They'd either tear you a new one or laugh you out of the school.
If we want to be normal, and be treated like normal people attending a normal school and treated like people of your age are, then you have to actually make some noise about it.
Oh yeah, and if it's something you all want, then you have to make an effort to prove that you're able to handle it. If you attend a school for the blind and you want independence, then you have to be able to be independent. I mean, if you want to go shopping in town, go to a cafe or something, you have to be able to do it on your own.
If the majority of you can't, then I can understand why they won't allow it.
Even for those of us who can, they do not allow it...we are treated like sheep.
Yeah, that's true. I felt like a prisoner when I lived in the dorm. I also felt that people looked down on me because I didn't just blindly follow the herd (excuse the pun). I'll give an example. I'm not sure if I said it before since its been a long time since I posted to this topic, but anyway, when I first went there in tenth grade, I noticed this terrible tendency a few of the teachers and aides had to talk shit about students when other students were present. One day I just got tired of this and I told one of them I thought it was wrong. Since that day i was ridiculed, treated differently, told I would go nowhere in life, and just totally disrespected. All because I didn't want to conform and watch a bunch of adults in a closed-minded community act like 13-year-olds. Words can't even describe the anger I feel when recalling these incidents. It might not do me any good to hold onto it, but I'm the kind of person who can't let something rest until I feel justice has been served, and since there's nothing I can do about it because others are too afraid to speak up, they'll just keep going on in their petty, manipulative ways. It makes me mad, but even more so sad because sometime later some other person is gonna come along who questions the system like I did, and they're gonna have a hell of a time, and they too will feel the overwhelming helplessness and loss of confidence I suffered. I'd really hate to see that happen to other people. If I could do it all over again I would have stayed in public school. I was treated like crap there too, but that's just the area I live in. I personally feel I probably would have been a much stronger person, but well I can't change the past.
I've never attended a blind school, but it's the same all the world over. the few can't change the world, but the many can. get other people to come over to your side and this includes parents. it's the only way. bitching, complaining or anything of the sort won't help.
stand together, and most importantly, get your parents to stand with you, because only then will people actually start listening and change things.
True, but some people don't have supportive parents. My parents are the kind of people who run away from emotional conversations, and never were really there for me. That was a battle I had to fight on my own. And now it doesn't matter anyway, because I graduated. It really is hard to know you're not respected by any authority, no matter whose fault it is. That leaves a lot more scars and instabilities than any of the other crap I went through.
Turtle:
My parents were always that way. You learn to be on your own.
you know what, people thought like you do all over the world all throughout history, until enough was enough and they decided to do something more than just occasionally complaining about it.
taking action is the only way to change things. joining forces and bringing people around to your point of view.
Yes it is. But sometimes, you are your only advocate.
if that's true, then it follows that the majority of the places are happy that way.
if you don't stand up for yourself, no one else will.
Damn right.
the problem with standing up for yourself is that nothing, in the grand scheme of things will change.
but stand up with other people, united in belief, then things will.
that's not always true...sorry for going off topic, but I'm trying to prove a point. my biological mom was verbally abusive, and I decided to move out cause I wanted a better life for myself. how can you say things won't change when one person takes a stance, but will surely do so if tons of people do? that doesn't make sense, at all. if I want things to change, I have the power to do so. I'm not gonna sit around waiting or expecting others to support me when I know full well I can handle my own. that's not to say in certain instances I don't welcome support; I'm just trying to show you that sometimes being ones own advocate can and is just as powerful if not more so in some cases cause people realize you aren't willing to stand for said thing. when that happens, the likelihood of things changing is greater when they see you won't back down.
your personal situation can change yes, but one person in a blind person advocating change won't make it happen. you need to get the majority behind you.
One person won't change the world.
That's one of the reasons, to get a bit off topic here, why a lot of people don't like the National Federation of the Blind here in the US. Because they stand up against society. Of course that's got nothing at all to do with why I don't like them.
I can see both sides of advocating for yourself versus having people behind you.. To get back to the topic though, sometimes it really does pay to complain later than it would have to stand up for myself back then. I'm not saying it's right, but I guess I didn't really feel strong enough to stand up against people who I knew were just gonna shut me down anyway. There's a lot I could say about that school, but I dont think it's really worth it. I'd love one of the staff members who did all that shit to me to come across this board and get pissed off about it, but that's wishful thinking. The reason i say that is because last year, a former student who left there to go to another school was interviewed for a local paper, and he and his mom both said that they felt he got a better education after leaving Overbrook. I heard 2 of the teachers talking about it like it was the end of the world, getting all worked up because it would ruin their supposedly golden reputation. At the time I wasn't sure what the article was about, so I asked if I could see it (seeing as how I was the only student in the room for some reason, and they were talking about it right in front of me.) Of course their answer was no, so I looked it up myself, and was shocked to see only that one little comment. You'd think by the way they were talking that he had totally defiled them or something. I tell ya, there was some fucked up stuff that happened in that place, and if they get that upset over something that simple, they really do have something to hide, although to me that's obvious anyway.
The only reason I've gotten as far as I did is because I learned how to advocate for myself. And, one person can do more than you know.
exactly my point, margorp.
It won't always work but it is a step in the right direction.
Also, if everybody has the aditude of: Well, it takes the majority, then nothing will ever happen. If one person stands out from the crowd, others will join. I promise. I've seen it happen before.
Yup, it gets the job done.
I've seen it too, that's why I brought it up.
oh I'm living it.